“The Knight”

Original Poem:

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“The Knight”

I fool myself that I hear your footsteps

Tiptoeing gently up the stairs towards my quickening heart.

So long I stood blockaded against you.

A hardened fortress composed of leadened oak

And plated in hardened gold.

Bare and tempt-less;

Never catching any wandering eyes.

Content but alone

like a dragon guarding its long sought treasure.

In you walked like a conquering knight

Ready and able to destroy my defenses.

No shining knight, for

your armor was blackened by past heartache and torments.

Your dark hair tousled by the wind like dandelions in the breeze.

I was wasting in my lonely tower waiting for you to storm in.

But you stole in silently

Like the whisper of a summer breeze floating through my open window

Or the gentle pattering of rain along my stone ledges.

Thief that you are

you stole my defenses, but not my love:

That was given to you

Like a precious emerald

to wear in a locket down your chest.

With me your armor begins to shine again

Slowly shedding the rust and tarnish that had once hugged its hard surfaces

Until the metal is as brilliant as the glistening moon

The same brilliance that can now be found in my smile.

 

-GT

Lessons of 2017

If last year was one of the worst years of my life, this year definitely has to be one of the best. It wasn’t just chance or good luck, it was an active decision to change my self-talk, change my attitude, and embrace ALL of life’s moments instead of constantly wishing for a future where I believed everything would magically be alright. It wasn’t easy, but I can honestly tell you it was one of the most important things I have ever done. I’m still doing it because it’s a constant journey and some days are better than others. Some days the negative self-image creeps back in, I become angry, and all I can do is lay in bed. But then I make the change. I get out of bed even though it’s the last thing I want to do, I get dressed, and I get out into the world. I’ve learned a lot over the past year and if you’ve been struggling this year, I just wanted to share with you some of the things that completely changed my life. I hope you enjoy!

1. No one else can save you- It makes it so easy to project all of your self-doubt and hope for change on someone else. It takes all of the hard pressure off of you and places the blame on someone else. But trust me, this not only gets you nowhere but it also places a gigantic strain on that relationship. It’s scary to realize that change has to start with yourself, but I promise that it’s a journey that you need. That doesn’t mean pushing people away, believe me, you need a solid support system, but make sure you take the steps to helping yourself first.

2. Give into the lazy days (just make sure it’s not all the time)- On those really bad days when all you can truly do is stay in bed, warm up some hot chocolate, wrap up in some blankets and relax. On those days, it does more harm than good to force yourself out of bed. Take this day to get all of the bad funk out and start tomorrow fresh!

3. Give the love you want to receive without the expectation of receiving it back- I cannot explain the joy of giving love and encouragement without the expectations of receiving the same. Expectations ruin everything and disappointments are part of life. So give love as freely as possible! That means giving it to yourself as well.

4. Therapy isn’t stupid- When I found out that I needed to go to therapy, I literally thought it was the end of the world. The thought of telling all of my thoughts and feelings to a complete stranger who I’m paying to listen sounded like a nightmare. But I sucked it up and I went. And I actually gave it my all. You only get as much out of therapy as you give. So give it a complete chance and I promise it will change things. I realized that there is no shame in admitting that you cannot balance the entire world on your fingertips because no one can. Everyone needs someone sometimes and therapy is truly wonderful if it is something that can benefit your healing journey.

5. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely- Last year, something changed and before I knew it, being alone was my biggest nightmare. Everyone needs alone time sometimes and it’s a fact of life that you are going to be alone at times. That’s why self-love is so important because if you truly love and respect yourself, being in your own company will be comforting. It will be hard at first, being alone, but it’s one of the most important skills you can learn because you never need to rely on anyone else.

6. Ice cream is totally an unofficial form of medicine- enough said.

7. And finally… Embrace all aspects of love in your life- You don’t need a significant other to embrace the love in your life. Your family, your friends, your pets, etc. So much love surrounds you!! So breathe and embrace the love that you have rather than wishing for something else.

Disclaimer: I am not a health professional, these are just my personal tips for how I helped change my own life and rediscover myself.

I hope you all enjoyed these tips and are able to embrace all of the love and joy around you as 2017 draws to a close. Happy Holidays, everyone!!

“You don’t have to be blooming in order to be growing.”

Love,

The Traveling Brunette

“The Flight Home”

I am so beyond excited for how much you all loved my last poetry excerpt! It is always a little terrifying to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, but everyone was so wonderful and supportive! I cannot thank you enough. Since my last post was so popular, I thought I might share another one of the poems I wrote this year. This poem came to me when I was traveling in Europe in the spring and I was missing the heart that I had left behind at home. I hope you enjoy!

“The Flight Home”

Starbursts of joy,

trumpets of ecstasy,

sunbeams of unparalleled passion

are racing from the tips of my fingers and the ends of my toes.

 

My stomach is a fresh garden.

Home to butterflies of broken dreams now conquered.

 

Long I have been separated from you;

Longer have I been a stranger to me.

My heart took the long flight back to you

Crossing oceans of time.

 

I shredded your past while away

and nothing but our future embraces me now

Shredded like wisps from the edges of burnt love letters.

 

Warmth flows through me like the sweetly bitter coffee that long I have missed

Your passion sweet, like French vanilla cream,

trickles through my veins giving me renewed life.

 

The taste of you electrifies me;

burning away our struggles

 

Until finally, you are the home I have been searching for.

 

-GT

Poetry Saves

Writing is absolute medicine for me. Writing literally helped me stay alive during some of my darkest times last year. It was a way for me to express my feelings without fear of judgment or the fear of not being understood. During my worst seasons of depression I surprisingly turned to poetry as my favorite emotional outlet. Some of the poems I wrote talked about the darkness I was feeling, but some of it celebrated the tiny rays of light that shone through. Now, I am by no means a talented poet but it always takes a level of bravery to share the words that are traced upon your heart. So here is one of the poems I wrote last year. Maybe one day I’ll find the courage to share some of the more personal pieces of my poetry story, but for now, this poem is about the strength that can be found in love.

 

“I Glow Near In Tenor Exalted”

You hold the sun in your smile

Stardust sparkles in your eyes.

I see the entire expanse of the galaxy

Within their murky depths.

Your eyes captivate me like the soft whisper of a burning candle.

Your smile caresses me like silk set aflame.

There are hummingbirds gently tapping at the door of my heart.

My heart vibrates with the rhythm of your being

like the drumbeat of a song that I do not remember but never could have forgotten:

A jazz song with lyrics written on the ocean waves.

I dance with the melody.

Our souls dance under the open sky

Painted with the wisps of the Northern lights.

The colors twinkle

and whisper across your face like the fireflies born from my dreams,

Until my soul is exploding with the colors of you.

My love rains down on us like confetti until

We are untouchable.

Owning the world, being the world.

I handcraft my hope with the designs of your heart.

Your arms are a strongly blockaded fortress around me.

My resting ground is quivering with your radiance.

Capture me.

Shatter me.

Ignite me, my love

For I long to be set ablaze.

 

-GT