Letter to 17 Year Old Me

Dear Gab,

Where do I even begin? Your life is so much greater than you could ever imagine that it would be at 17. I don’t even know how to recount the numerous adventures and changes that you have gone through that have brought you some of the most precious things you will ever have. First of all, I want to remind you that it gets better. You feel so alone right now, surrounded by people who do not see the real you and would judge you if they did. You are uncomfortable in your own skin. In fact, you hate your body, but I promise that you are going to find freedom in self-love. Those “friends” that you give your heart and soul to but receive only judgment from in return, they will fade. In a few years you will discover what true friendship actually feels like and it will hold you tight. I can’t even remember how many times you have been telling yourself you will never find love. And it isn’t your fault; you hear it enough from others every day. You have begun to doubt yourself. You are doubting your beauty and you are doubting your worth. You are beautiful and worthy; you just haven’t met the man who will worship those things about you yet. So, hold on and keep believing in true love because I know you are about to give up.

Speaking of the man of your dreams, he is fantastic! He is every fairytale you have ever wished for and every prayer you’ve ever said. He loves you unconditionally and with the passion that you’ve always wanted but never believed that you really deserved. And he’s searching for you too.

Remember that high school isn’t everything and even though you are unhappy, you panic at the thought of going to college. Accept the wonderful change ahead of you because it is so much better than anything that you are leaving behind. Don’t forget to cherish these moments, though. Remember the way your heart races when you walk across the stage and win so many awards for your intelligence (and stop being embarrassed that people think you’re too smart) and savor the adrenaline rush when you step onto that volleyball court. Enjoy your time here but know that the future ahead is blindingly bright.

Please start taking care of yourself. You are going to find friends who accept you and encourage you and a man who loves you with his entire being, but until then, step away from the treadmill and stop skipping lunch. Nourish your body because it going to take you to so many wonderful places. Stop punishing yourself for not being Barbie. You deserve so much better than the hate that you give yourself. You’ll learn to love and nourish your body, but start taking steps now.

Finally, never say yes to anything that you do not deserve. Stop saying yes to the judgmental friendships, or the silent treatments, or the feelings of unworthiness. You deserve more and I promise you will find it. There is so much more that I wish I could say, but I want you to experience all of the love and laughter along the way. Stay strong. I promise you’re going to make it through.

Love,
Me

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*Disclaimer: I know this is a different (more personal) post than I normally do but I think writing letters like this can be very healing. I also wanted to share some of the encouragement and lessons that I wish I had known when I was younger and perhaps inspire you to write your own letter.

2018 Resolutions!

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Hello, 2018!

Wow, I can’t believe that 2017 is actually over and 2018 is here. So many amazing things happened in my life this past year including: finding help and healing, getting my two fur babies, traveling across the world, and getting engaged! Even though 2017 was full of so much love and adventure, I know 2018 is going to be even better: getting married, turning 21, traveling to Scotland for our honeymoon, graduating college early as a double major, and so much more. This year I wanted my resolutions to truly reflect my desire to soak up every single moment, work hard for my dreams, and to focus on all aspects of my health. So, without further delay, here are my 2018 resolutions:

  1. Live in the moment– I have an incredibly bad habit of wishing away the present in order to fast forward to a future I somehow believe will be better, but the truth is, my present isn’t what I want it to be because I’m not putting in the effort to make it positive. There’s nothing more depressing than constantly wishing that you were somewhere else. This year is going to be one of the best years of my life so I want to soak up every single minute of it and that includes taking breaks from social media, focusing on myself and my family, and finding the positive in the negative situations.
  2. Focus on all aspects of my health- I know one of the stereotypical resolutions is getting fit, losing weight, etc. and there is nothing wrong with these resolutions if you are doing them for the right reasons. For years, I struggled with a toxic body image and it poisoned every aspect of my life. I refused to go out to eat or to any event that I did not know exactly what food would be served, I never took a single bite of what I called “bad foods”, and I overexercised myself every single day. When I met Derek, he truly helped me enjoy life and stop focusing on my body. When I actually started having fun, I ironically started losing all of the weight that I had worked so hard on losing before but never had been able to. Last year, I finally reached my ideal body with the definition, speed, and strength I had always wanted. However, after years of overtraining and unhealthy health habits I had completely burned myself out. I literally took off an entire month of any activity because I was so sick, exhausted, and I lost my former “ideal body”. So this year I want to focus on balancing all aspects of my health: physical and mental. Never sacrifice your joy in life in a desire to reach a fitness goal. Find the balance. If your life starts revolving around the gym and unhappiness sets in, reevaluate and find what’s really important to you.
  3. Be more open- What is it about our current social media-obsessed society that has trained us to only reveal a highly edited version of ourselves to the world while we fail to actually open up to anyone? I used to be one of the most reclusive people I had ever met. However, finding love and genuine friends helped me start breaking through my shell. I still struggle being open sometimes, even with those closest to me. Sometimes its out of fear and sometimes it’s just out of habit. Either way, this year I plan on focusing on being open.
  4. Travel every chance that I have– Being the Traveling Brunette I obviously thrive on traveling. I honestly think that I will go insane if I stay in one place for too long. So this year, I really want to focus on traveling, even if that’s just a weekend trip to the state right next to me. There’s something about even the slightest change of scenery that is truly revitalizing to the soul.
  5. Finally, shower others in love- In 2017, I was full of toxic energy due to constant comparison with others, refusal to release the past, and feelings of jealousy. When you hold onto those toxic energies for so long, it truly poisons your mind and body. I became so sick and it has taken me a long time to recover and for what? What did I actually gain from any of that comparison and refusal to forgive? Absolutely nothing and I never would have. So, this year my final resolution is to finally let go of that negativity and just radiate love. I know it will still be difficult sometimes but honestly it is so unbelievably freeing to love, even if others may not deserve it. Do it for you.

I wish you all the very best of luck with your 2018 resolutions and I can’t wait to share this wonderful new year with you!

Happy New Year, everyone!

-Traveling Brunette

 

“The Knight”

Original Poem:

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“The Knight”

I fool myself that I hear your footsteps

Tiptoeing gently up the stairs towards my quickening heart.

So long I stood blockaded against you.

A hardened fortress composed of leadened oak

And plated in hardened gold.

Bare and tempt-less;

Never catching any wandering eyes.

Content but alone

like a dragon guarding its long sought treasure.

In you walked like a conquering knight

Ready and able to destroy my defenses.

No shining knight, for

your armor was blackened by past heartache and torments.

Your dark hair tousled by the wind like dandelions in the breeze.

I was wasting in my lonely tower waiting for you to storm in.

But you stole in silently

Like the whisper of a summer breeze floating through my open window

Or the gentle pattering of rain along my stone ledges.

Thief that you are

you stole my defenses, but not my love:

That was given to you

Like a precious emerald

to wear in a locket down your chest.

With me your armor begins to shine again

Slowly shedding the rust and tarnish that had once hugged its hard surfaces

Until the metal is as brilliant as the glistening moon

The same brilliance that can now be found in my smile.

 

-GT

“The Flight Home”

I am so beyond excited for how much you all loved my last poetry excerpt! It is always a little terrifying to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, but everyone was so wonderful and supportive! I cannot thank you enough. Since my last post was so popular, I thought I might share another one of the poems I wrote this year. This poem came to me when I was traveling in Europe in the spring and I was missing the heart that I had left behind at home. I hope you enjoy!

“The Flight Home”

Starbursts of joy,

trumpets of ecstasy,

sunbeams of unparalleled passion

are racing from the tips of my fingers and the ends of my toes.

 

My stomach is a fresh garden.

Home to butterflies of broken dreams now conquered.

 

Long I have been separated from you;

Longer have I been a stranger to me.

My heart took the long flight back to you

Crossing oceans of time.

 

I shredded your past while away

and nothing but our future embraces me now

Shredded like wisps from the edges of burnt love letters.

 

Warmth flows through me like the sweetly bitter coffee that long I have missed

Your passion sweet, like French vanilla cream,

trickles through my veins giving me renewed life.

 

The taste of you electrifies me;

burning away our struggles

 

Until finally, you are the home I have been searching for.

 

-GT

Poetry Saves

Writing is absolute medicine for me. Writing literally helped me stay alive during some of my darkest times last year. It was a way for me to express my feelings without fear of judgment or the fear of not being understood. During my worst seasons of depression I surprisingly turned to poetry as my favorite emotional outlet. Some of the poems I wrote talked about the darkness I was feeling, but some of it celebrated the tiny rays of light that shone through. Now, I am by no means a talented poet but it always takes a level of bravery to share the words that are traced upon your heart. So here is one of the poems I wrote last year. Maybe one day I’ll find the courage to share some of the more personal pieces of my poetry story, but for now, this poem is about the strength that can be found in love.

 

“I Glow Near In Tenor Exalted”

You hold the sun in your smile

Stardust sparkles in your eyes.

I see the entire expanse of the galaxy

Within their murky depths.

Your eyes captivate me like the soft whisper of a burning candle.

Your smile caresses me like silk set aflame.

There are hummingbirds gently tapping at the door of my heart.

My heart vibrates with the rhythm of your being

like the drumbeat of a song that I do not remember but never could have forgotten:

A jazz song with lyrics written on the ocean waves.

I dance with the melody.

Our souls dance under the open sky

Painted with the wisps of the Northern lights.

The colors twinkle

and whisper across your face like the fireflies born from my dreams,

Until my soul is exploding with the colors of you.

My love rains down on us like confetti until

We are untouchable.

Owning the world, being the world.

I handcraft my hope with the designs of your heart.

Your arms are a strongly blockaded fortress around me.

My resting ground is quivering with your radiance.

Capture me.

Shatter me.

Ignite me, my love

For I long to be set ablaze.

 

-GT

 

Paris is Always a Good Idea

Paris, France (visited in 2013)

Ahh, the beautiful and breathtaking Paris! Out of all of the places I have visited, Paris is by far the most beautiful. Unlike some cities, Paris is exactly how you would imagine it: streets of gold, magnificent and dazzling architecture, glamorous shopping, and tiny little coffee shops that line every street corner. There is a reason that one of Paris’s nicknames is the “City of Love” and it is because you instantly fall in love with the city from the first moment you set your eyes on it. If Paris doesn’t make you fall in love, I don’t think anything will. When you are in Paris, you cannot help but smile. There is so much to talk about when it comes to “The City of Light”: the iconic Eiffel Tower, the glorious Notre Dame de Paris, the artistically enriched Louvre, and many, many more and if I talked about them all extensively, this post would take hours to read. So, I have decided to post pictures of all of these places, but I want to focus mostly on the history of the Louvre to give you a tiny taste of some of Paris’s culture.

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(The Eiffel Tower)

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(One of the views from the top of the Eiffel Tower)

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(Another view from the top of the Eiffel Tower)

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(Looking up from underneath the Eiffel Tower)

The History of the Louvre: *

  • The Louvre was originally created during the Middle Ages (approximately in 1190) by Philippe Auguste in an effort to erect a fortified enclosure to protect Paris.
  • It was a grand display of the king’s power and authority before he left Paris to fight in the Crusades.
  • Therefore, the Louvre was first created to be a castle. It was protected by a moat and held circular defensive towers on its sides and corners. In the center, the main tower was located and was surrounded by its own moat.
  • This “castle” was not a home for the royal family, but rather a garrison fortress.
  • As time passed, the Louvre became less of a defensive site and more of a royal residency as traveling French kings began to stay in the structure more often, particularly during the Hundred Years’ War.
  • The change from a fortress to a residency and, finally, a museum began to occur under the reign of Francis I (r. 1515-47) after the defeat of the military at the Battle of Pavia in 1525. By the end of his time in power, the king decided to have the Louvre rebuilt, but this did not occur until Henri II’s reign (r. 1547-59).

*Checked by: http://www.louvre.fr/en/histoirelouvres/history-louvre/periode-2

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(The outside of the Louvre)

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(The inverted pyramid inside the Louvre)

Protecting the Louvre During WWII: **

Starting in 1938, the threat of war urged France to have a large-scale evacuation of its public art collections. The famous Mona Lisa was removed from the Louvre on August 28, 1939 and by the end of the day on September 3, almost all of the precious art pieces were removed. The Mona Lisa was moved 5 times during the war before being safely brought back! During WWII, the Louvre was still a palace and Paris experienced one of the longest occupations in its history and the damage of war was evident in destroyed gardens and bomb damage.

**Checked by: http://twistedsifter.com/2013/05/louvre-and-mona-lisa-world-war-2/

Some of the Featured Masterpieces: ***

The Louvre is a 60,000-square-meter exhibition that is home to around 30,000 pieces of art. The Louvre is divided into three main sections: the Denon, the Richelieu, and the Sully wings. Each wing features over 70 rooms in addition to numerous halls that are filled with sculptures. With this much art, it is impossible to see every piece in a day or even in an entire week! However, I have researched and created an “essential checklist” to help you navigate and get the most out of your visit to the Louvre.

  • The Top Piece: This, of course, is the famous smiling lady: Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci (located in Denon Wing, Room 6). This area is always packed with people so don’t expect to be able to see it too close. (P.S. it is a lot smaller than you would imagine it) but it is still an incredible experience!100_1625
  • Les Noces de Cana by Paolo Veronese or The Wedding Feast at Cana (Denon Wing, Room 6). This painting depicts the biblical story narrated by John the Apostle who describes the wedding feast in which Jesus turns water into wine.

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  • Venus de Milo (Sully Wing, Room 7). This statue is also known as Aphrodite (The goddess of love and beauty) and represents the Greek view of ideal beauty. As you can see, her arms were broken off and are still missing but many art historians believe she may have originally been holding an apple, a crown, or a mirror.

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  • Victoire de Samothrace (Denon Wing, Daru Staircase). The Goddess of Victory (Nike) stands on the prow of a ship in strong winds and the sculpture is praised for its sense of movement and accuracy. The goddess appears to be drenched in water but the blowing effect of her gown and her wings gives the work a sense of realism. (P.S. the sports company Nike was inspired by the goddess of victory!)

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  • The Coronation of Napoleon by Jacques-Louis David (Denon Wing, Room 75). Napoleon commissioned this painting to document his coronation. Unlike other kings, Napoleon faces the congregation rather than the Pope, which made a statement of his independence from the religious church.

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These are just a few examples of the thousands of masterpieces that the the Louvre holds. I hope you enjoyed your initial taste of some of the beauty of the artwork in Paris.

*** Artistic facts checked by: http://www.planetware.com/paris/louvre-f-p-l.htm

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(Notre Dame de Paris)

Literary Recommendations:

For this post’s literary recommendations section, I want to offer you a wide range of literature that I hope will help you acquire a greater appreciation of some of the artwork in the Louvre and for Paris itself. Since much of the art and sculptures in the Louvre center around Biblical stories and Greek mythology, I recommend that you check out some of the stories of Jesus in the Gospels of the Holy Bible and some the countless stories of the Greek gods and goddesses, particularly Aphrodite since she was featured in this post. Some of the other Biblical and Greek characters seen in the Louvre are David (Biblical), the hunting goddess Artemis (Greek), John the Baptist (Biblical), and the powerful god Zeus (Greek).

If you are interested in some of the most influential and popular works of French literature, I suggest you pick up a copy of Les Miserables or The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo, The Count of Monte Cristo or The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas, or one of my favorites, The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux.

I hope you all have enjoyed this little sneak peak into the beauty and history of Paris, France, particularly the Louvre. I highly recommend taking a trip to Paris to experience some of the immensely rich history and culture that the city has to share. In the meantime, pick up some of these books and dive right into the culture today! Have a wonderful day, my traveling friends!

-The Traveling Brunette

**** All pictures are taken by me